You can't special order awesome
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
