wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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