I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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