How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
