I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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