just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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