i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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