mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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