Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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