I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
