she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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