all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
