It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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