I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
