I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
