I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
