I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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