wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
