I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
