You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
