just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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