Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
someone owes me an orgasm
i love accidental penises.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
