Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
