Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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