I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
