Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
