did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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