who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
