Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
