i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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