Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
