Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
