Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
