your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
