Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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