omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do herpes really smell.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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