Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
