Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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