talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
