I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
