that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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