Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
