1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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