i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
