He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
