Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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