She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
