Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
