Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
