remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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