so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
