First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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